Said with Grace, on a subject fill with pain.Transgender Suicidal intent.
Have you ever been in the middle of life just living your story and you get Blotted OUT.
Your next line is being written by the others that you don’t know but hold a power over you.
* I need to see my wife in the hospital. (Sorry, only legal family)
* Cancer hit our family and we could not do adoption until next year. (Sorry, the child is not yours)
* He is violent and I need to get a divorce. (Sorry, we don’t do divorces for your type in this state.)
* I would like to work in this office. (Sorry, we met your other half and we just don’t think that is a good fit for us.)
* This is a beautiful home! (Sorry, you said you would both be on the lease. Sisters correct?)
* My preferred pronoun is… (Sorry, what is in your pants is all I care about.)
Any of those and A million more spin in my head everyday as I move through my personal and professional life.
I wonder who will decide if my marriage is important.
What law will tell my love that she can not be with me in a hospital room
or answer questions about the house we call home.
Will my life be blotted OUT of the family line.
My love, that is what will be erased, with smears of ink or puddles of white out.
The stories of how I found myself and then found someone that loved me.
The pains of trying to follow in other’s rigid footsteps.
The self destruction that lead to ENOUGH.
I was done. I love who I love. That is the story that is under your BLOT.
That is . She is. I am. What makes me smile and my heart sing.
Today I am creating a story of life. I wonder who will decide it is not.
This blog is designed for information, thoughts or questions that come up about life. Children, teens and adults all work to get through to the next thing; what if we stopped long enough to be present in this moment. How would our worlds line up for us if we were not always spending today dreaming of tomorrow and fearful of yesterday.
Melinda C. Porter, LPC
Parents it is a whole new world out there!
The digital life that happens on your child’s phone, tablet or computer has a powerful presence. You need to be just as present in their digital world as they are.
I work with many teens that spend most of the time socializing in chat rooms or through apps. The only way to understand how that world works is to dive in. Sign-up and monitor! Sit down with your child and create a list of approved apps or games (which have chat rooms available) and place titles, usernames, and passwords for both parents to check in on.
Some parents / children view this as an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting their child / teen. Instead, I challenge you to view it being present.
The example that clicked with myself was that of a school environment. You do not go to their school and follow them around in all their interactions but you do attend parent night, parent-teacher meetings, at pick-up time you interact with other parents and watch how the children interact with your child / teen. You go to games, shows, fundraisers and / or band performances. You are a presence in their school life.
Ask them to show you the chat room or how to make an avatar.
Ask them about their avatar: forms, names, genders, and / or strengths. Many individuals create the person they hope to one day be in their avatar.
If they write on one of the story apps, such as, Wattpad. Go in to read their stories, print them if you think they would feel proud to know you wanted to keep them in the ‘real world’ or just email them letting them know you read it and what you thought. You know your child and how they need to be supported.
If you struggle with what to do to help your child out of the digital world it is okay to ask a therapist or school counselor for suggestions.
It is a new world that our children are growing up in. We have to meet them where they are inside the digital world to make sure they are safe.
Melinda C. Porter, LPC
As you move through your day, where is your focus?
Working within the LGBT community, I sometimes find that the focus is on secrets instead of life. This allows for the secrets to have all the power.
What would happen if you allowed life to be the focus?
The LGBT community is learning how to interact socially instead of locked behind closed-door. This is difficult but healthy. It is also a new level of responsibility. Don’t push issues under the rug because no one wants to even know who those issues are with. Hurting alone about relationships that no one even saw as real can be dangerous. It leads to confusion and minimizes the importance of your connections and processing the emotions. How will you move forward with all that pain wrapped around you?
Instead of all your energy being used to keep a secret, allow yourself to move pass the secret. That does not mean you have to blurt out, “I”M GAY” or “SHE STOLE MY TWINKIE” or MY PARTNER IS GONE” but if the moment arises and you need to. then do so. It will be comfortable something and uncomfortable others.
Living in away that is safe and respectful of self is key!
Find the pieces of your puzzle that make your outside self and inside self congruent. Stay away from non-responsible statement. The government, your mother, your dad, or your boss do not determine how you treat your partner and children. Unless your goal is to put the focus somewhere other than where the real work is. Self growth. Self respect.
Families, friends, and pets do not just disappear anymore in the LGBT relationship breakdown. They are more present and feel the pain of their gay loved ones. They may not know what to say and you may not know how to answer but allow them to help you see the relationship as real and important to process.
In giving “life” the power instead of the secrets; you develop self-worth and growth!
Do you know the gender or the assigned sex of this child? Is there a difference in those?
Years ago I thought babies were born male or female. I’ve learned over my life time that this is not the case. A group called, “Gender Infinity” is doing an excellence job of educating therapists and parents about what gender really means. I visited one of their conferences this week and am overflowing with information.
Gender Diverse children can also be referred to as gender non-conforming. Gender non-conforming children are gifted with an innocence in their processing; to them they can only be who they sense they are. Some feel they are internally different then the external picture, expressing a cross-gender identity. Can it be that simple? It is when we, as their support system, confirm with actions of rejection or acceptance that they connect the meaning of right or wrong. We create the environment for them to explore life in.
It is common for transgender children to come out as Lesbian, gay, or bisexual first trying to find the fit that they need. Many times feeling that the hair and clothes change is good but not enough. Hormone blockers are sometime used in pre-puberty to allow the child time to process what gender they are and avoid some possible future surgeries. Most people at this point just loss their breathe; it is ok!
These are REVERSIBLE. It simply pauses the onset.
I have worked with children for years now and knowing that they have the possibility to be comfortable in their own skin from the beginning is incredible!
As I learn, I will pass on the information! If you have time, look up the Group Gender Infinity~They are crazy wonderful! I’m here to help if you need more information.
We stand in the moment of our potential to move forward and ability to understand~
Melinda C. Porter
Do you have beautiful frames but not sure what the pictures should look like inside them?
The spirit of the LGBT community has always made me smile. As the years have passed, I see families and wonder what will their frame look like? How will they put the family together? What if you decide to frame the pictures you see, the family you want to have? ~I think it is possible~
Create pictures that fill your world with joy! As you walk around your house / look at your FaceBook; do you confirm or deny who you truly are? A division of self can have a ripple effect on your ability to connect with new people. If you are always one of many versions of yourself then you are never just you!
Over two decades ago I started seeing me, not the me that other saw but the me that I can smile at in the mirror. As I have found her she has saved me.
Building relationships based on honesty and truth; not always exciting stuff but very real.
What part of your picture do you see as you?
* Start to build the family you want. Start with just seeing the picture in the frame.
* What are the possibilities for you today to add to or create part of the frame? Build your frame with courage, strength, understanding, and flexibility.
* Not everyone likes their picture taken, so be patience with those you love. Maybe let them have a frame of their own for a while that is on the same table! 😉
* Your picture is beautiful~ LGBT families are full of love that needs to be hung up for others to see. Years of joy and happiness that screams, “Your Future is possible” to the next generation.