Thoughts in a day: Transgender Teens

df7c489bed150386371a0988ac458763Climbing out of her bed to dress, the thoughts of school and friends rush around on top of goals, workouts, chores and clothes. Moments after rising she moves past the mirror and freezes. Her body is not a “her” but a “him.” Her day will not be filled with thoughts of what to get done or how to dress to express who she is. Instead, she looks for the outfit that hides the most; covering all the imperfections that she cannot workout to fix and study harder to change. She cannot dig herself out of her gender as one whom from poverty. Stuck. She sits. Looking in a mirror that keeps changing into what she does understand. Being asked to live a life that does not fit what is under her skin.

A yell comes from down stairs and now a girl who got up before it was time excited about her day, stands as a boy frozen in confusion and fear. The ‘late to school’ conversation that happens everyday starts as HE hits the bottom stair. His head fills with all the things he will have to do today. His conversations with friends that might not be friends ‘if they knew’ about the her that he is not suppose to discuss. He starts to question all his relationships, wondering if any are real. Isolating in his head and fearing to truly care about others he learns that self is the only person to trust and worry about. Moving from one class to another where they ask the boys and girls to separate for seating, restrooms, activities, sports, and/or games. Where does the Transgender teen stand? Where does she/ he fit in?

Transgender teens are being asked to ‘sit at the back of the bus’ and do as you are told. Where does it stop? Conform to societies standards of male/female. If your genitals determine who you are, what do we do with the intersex person? When do they get to move to the front and claim they are worth being respected? I work with teens that smile when for a moment in time they are seen from the inside out. Peace and respect sits with them as they talk and joy fills their face when their correct pronoun is used.

Just one. Condemning. Reaffirming. Little. Big. Powerful. Painful. Joyful. Word. 

He returns home, head down and moving on to homework. Then SHE smiles. In her room, she is real. She fits just fine into the clothes only she ever sees. She studies in the hat that makes her hair look longer. The words, the math is all making sense with room in her head. She draws hearts and a smiley to remember the steps to complete the problems.

In her room she is comfortable and safe for now. She knows the sadness that will come tomorrow when HE must return to the breakfast table and to school.

Parents. Friends. Counselors.

Read and learn about the transgender teen in your life. If you have questions, ask them, together is when family is the most effective.

I work with the LGBTQIA community and would be happy to help with questions or a direction for you to go in.

Melinda C. Porter, LPC

Melinda@mcpcounseling.com

817-733-7206

www.mcpcounseling.com

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Blotted OUT.

Have you ever been in the middle of life just living your story and you get Blotted OUT.

Your next line is being written by the others that you don’t know but hold a power over you.

256x256_fit_one_bestfit_6In the LGBTQ community this is an everyday issue.

* I need to see my wife in the hospital. (Sorry, only legal family)

* Cancer hit our family and we could not do adoption until next year. (Sorry, the child is not yours)

* He is violent and I need to get a divorce. (Sorry, we don’t do divorces for your type in this state.)

* I would like to work in this office. (Sorry, we met your other half and we just don’t think that is a good fit for us.)

* This is a beautiful home! (Sorry, you said you would both be on the lease. Sisters correct?)

* My preferred pronoun is… (Sorry, what is in your pants is all I care about.)

Any of those and A million more spin in my head everyday as I move through my personal and professional life.

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I wonder who will decide if my marriage is important.

What law will tell my love that she can not be with me in a hospital room

or answer questions about the house we call home.

Will my life be blotted OUT of the family line.

My love, that is what will be erased, with smears of ink or puddles of white out.

The stories of how I found myself and then found someone that loved me.

The pains of trying to follow in other’s rigid footsteps.

The self destruction that lead to ENOUGH.

I was done. I love who I love. That is the story that is under your BLOT.

That is . She is. I am. What makes me smile and my heart sing.

Today I am creating a story of life. I wonder who will decide it is not.

Bloggin’ About It.

IMG_20150122_113939This blog is designed for information, thoughts or questions that come up about life. Children, teens and adults all work to get through to the next thing; what if we stopped long enough to be present in this moment. How would our worlds line up for us if we were not always spending today dreaming of tomorrow and fearful of yesterday.

By

Melinda C. Porter, LPC

http://www.MCPcounseling.com

817-733-7206

Transgender Children

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Do you know the gender or the assigned sex of this child? Is there a difference in those?

Years ago I thought babies were born male or female.  I’ve learned over my life time that this is not the case.  A group called, “Gender Infinity” is doing an excellence job of educating  therapists and parents about what gender really means. I visited one of their conferences this week and am overflowing with information.

Gender Diverse children can also be referred to as gender non-conforming. Gender non-conforming children are gifted with an innocence in their processing; to them they can only be who they sense they are. Some feel they are internally different then the external picture, expressing a cross-gender identity. Can it be that simple?  It is when we, as their support system, confirm with actions of rejection or acceptance  that they connect the meaning of right or wrong. We create the environment for them to explore life in.

It is common for transgender children to come out as Lesbian, gay, or bisexual first trying to find the fit that they need. Many times feeling that the hair and clothes change is good but not enough. Hormone blockers are sometime used in pre-puberty to allow the child time to process what gender they are and avoid some possible future surgeries. Most people at this point just loss their breathe; it is ok!

These are REVERSIBLE. It simply pauses the onset.

I have worked with children for years now and knowing that they have the possibility to be comfortable in their own skin from the beginning is incredible!

As I learn, I will pass on the information! If you have time, look up the Group Gender Infinity~They are crazy wonderful! I’m here to help if you need more information.

We stand in the moment of our potential to move forward and ability to understand~ 

Much Respect,

Melinda C. Porter

Stepping "OUT" LGBTQ

IMG_0229When you step out~

Off with the ‘self’ people think they see and into the you!

What are some healthy ways that have worked to find the YOU that fits?

We have friends in the LGBTQ community that struggle to find their true self; a self that deserves to be loved. Many times the thought of being gay is seen as ‘wrong’ so ‘poor actions’ can be attached to it. Here are some healthy thoughts about coming out!

* Know that you know yourself best! If you are not attracted to the opposite sex then wait until you met the person that does put a tingle in your toes.

* Decide how you want to tell people; start with trusted family or friends.

* Respect yourself by giving yourself time to sort your thoughts and talk to someone. You don’t have to know all the answers.

* If you tell someone and the response is not going well; step back and give them room to think. You are not responsible for taking on their issues but you told them because on some level they were important to you. Giving them time to process may allow you time to reevaluate and modify the conversation. Hurting them is not the goal. Hurting you is not the goal. Starting a line of communication is.

* Talk to someone before having the really hard conversations! Walk through possible terms and statement that might be better for you.

Your path will look different from others and that is ok! Try to stay focused on the goal of connecting with people who you want as a part of your future; close, distant, periodically, or as a memory.

Stepping “OUT” as you ~

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter  817.733.7206